How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
