"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
