Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
