dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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