I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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