After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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