I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
please come you make the beer taste better
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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