i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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