One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
