Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
