I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
