if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
