How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Your cock deserves a montage
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
