Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
