Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
