sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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