Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
