Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
