dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Randomize