i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
