I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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