i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
