Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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