I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
