she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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