Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
