Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
