well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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