I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I believe in your delicious
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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