i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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