You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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