Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
it hurts more in the daytime
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
