Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
