I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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