lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
