It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
