I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
did i walk over a car last night?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
