His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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