it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
