whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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