Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
