I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
