Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
