Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
