do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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