we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
