Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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