I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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