if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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