He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
