i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
