Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize