I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
