We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Every concussion has its silver lining
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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