I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
