I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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