While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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