He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
