weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
