My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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