I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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