Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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