I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
