why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
