I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
