were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
