You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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