The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
