So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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